Special Father's Day Post

Growing up I had trouble imagining being married, let alone having a child, especially a micro preemie. But this is my first Father’s Day being a father, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My son is a great blessing! The day he was born more emotion and love pressed on me than all the other days of my life combined. I cannot explain the depth of my love for Carrick; God has now allowed me to taste of how much He loves me. I praise God for my son. God has used Carrick to minister to Jenni and I in new ways, but God has also used us to minister to others through this difficulty. The outpouring of love and support and prayer overwhelmed us. I’ve never doubted that God could work in such ways, but I always doubted that people would respond to the Holy Spirit’s urgings. My short experience in ministry left me cynical and distrusting. But God is big, and the Church is far-reaching. Opening my mailbox and finding small yellow intercessory prayer cards from people I’ve never met, and probably never will, shocked me. What a blessing! Old roommates of my sister’s sent Carrick books; is not that God and Him alone at work? Receiving emails from people in other countries who are praying for Carrick—truly amazing. Having our parents list off all the churches and groups of people checking and rechecking the blog daily and praying so fervently—seriously God, isn’t this over-kill? But God has opened my eyes to see Him at work in His church. Carrick might be the most prayed for baby ever born! Some people might say that we have a reason to be angry with God, but I thank God for Carrick and praise Him for bringing him when He did. God uses difficulty to bring us to the end of ourselves because then we can enter into His presence—abundance, peace, joy, comfort, healing. But it’s still hard. I want the ability to care for my son completely, but I have to sit behind a plastic box and watch nurses, doctors, and respiratory therapists do most of the work. It’s still frustrating dealing with the assumption that I don’t want to be a part of my son’s care. I’m good at changing his diapers! I want to hold him, and for a long time! But resting in God is moment by moment. His birth has taken a toll on me. I don’t have the energy I used to, nor the focus. I feel guilty about doing simple things that could bring me pleasure. I still haven’t gotten out to the driving range because of the guilt. After a certain point in the day, usually about 1:30pm, I just can’t think; I’m no good. But I love my son. I don’t harbor any resentment or bitterness. I rejoice because God has been so gracious and merciful to my family. When middle school students make sure to hug me and ask about Carrick, I know God is ministering through them. Nothing has happened as expected, but I see that this way is better. Some might say you don’t know what God is doing when things like this happen, but I see His plan clearly. My first Father’s Day isn’t what I would have chosen, but I endure it in a spirit of thanksgiving. I even get to put his crib together today—thanks Grammy and Granddaddy! Peace and Blessings. And Happy Father's Day!